Coach Donna

Mourning a Loss

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Mourning a loss

Tragedy can happen when we least expect it. In fact, it often occurs right when the timing couldn’t be worse.  Most people define tragedy like a death in the family; especially an unexpected death. It is very important to take the time to mourn. Even so, is that the only time that we should mourn?

Tragedy takes on many forms and may be different for everyone. For example, a divorce to one couple can be a much-needed relief from a partnership that just didn’t work out. For another, it’s the end of a love story. Whether it’s divorce, job loss, or a death in the family, it’s important to treat each tragedy with care.

That being said, make sure that you go through the proper mourning process. It is a process that requires you to take each step seriously. Skipping past any step in the mourning process can cause emotional turmoil later in life.

Mourning occurs because the ones who are suffering are facing a loss.

Remember that it is acceptable to take your time to grieve the loss. Many don’t understand that a loss isn’t always death. A loss can be divorce. Couples need to mourn the loss of the partnership. A loss can also be the end of an era. Such as teenagers going off to college, retiring after 30 years at a job, or turning 21.

Each one of these scenarios is a loss that must be grieved. Granted, many losses are happy occasions and cause for celebration. We celebrate high school graduation, but we rarely mourn the loss of childhood. We celebrate the milestone of retirement but what about grieving the loss of work life? Most students who turn 21 are ready to celebrate with a drink. They party with friends and celebrate until dawn. It isn’t until we are older when we realize, turning 21 was the end of childhood.

Becoming an adult seems like so much fun but it is often the beginning of responsibility, decision-making, and more obstacles to overcome.

When tragedy strikes, what are you most likely to do?

  1. Liquor up
  2. Kick and Scream
  3. Cry
  4. Ask for help

I hope the answer is D. Ask for help.

There is no shame in asking for help to overcome tragedy and mourn a loss. You can turn to your faith, family, friends, or a professional. Many who face tragedies require professional psychotherapy while others can call on the help of a life coach.

To help you through the mourning process, THIS is a list of the five stages of grief.

Remember that there is no shame in asking for help or taking a step back and working through the stages of mourning. In fact, it is the responsible thing to do.

You will have a healthy emotional future when you process grief in a healthy manner.

In addition to psychotherapy, I recommend a spiritual check-up. This comes in many forms such as talking to a pastor, reading scripture, and prayer. Below you will find a few of my favorite scriptures that help me at the moment.

  • 1 Peter 5:7 (NIV) “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
  • Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV) “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
  • Isaiah 41:10 (NIV) “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
  • Luke 6:21 (NKJV) “Blessed are you who hunger now, for you shall be filled. Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh.”
  • Psalm 23:4 (NKJ) Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil;
    For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

When the tragedy is over, it’s time to celebrate.

Remember that overcoming tragedy, grief, and mourning loss takes time. This is not a situation that should be swept under the carpet. Don’t wait to grieve because you are embarrassed or think it is weak. The smart thing to do is ask for help, work the process, and come out a better person.

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